Another one bites the dust

I learned recently that another one of my friends past away...I can't even count how many friends I have lost, which is really sad. A few names come quickly to mind, which I wont post on here. Point is it I am 38 years old and have lost too many friends. I don't want to make this post about how I feel, how sad I am about my friend. I want it to be about how no one will get the chance to see him again, how unfair life is. How we ALL walk through this life unsure of what we should be doing. For the most part we all try our best, do what we know what is right.
Life is way too short. Tell the people you are around that you love them. I try to tell people I come in contact with how I love them.
I wish I could say more, had more of insight to life. I really don't know shit.

Don't know what to do.

I'm going to lose my grandfather soon. He has Alzheimer's disease and it seems he has taken a turn for the worst. It's a horrible thing to watch this person you looked up to just wilt away to nothing; to a shell. He was one of the most influential males in my life. I always saw how he treated his wife his friends and others, how he made people laugh. It seemed to me like nothing got him down, he was always happy and joking around. I had a lot of issues when I was younger but I looked up to him and said one day I want to be just like my Poppy. I hope no one has to go through what my family is going through. We seem to just shrug it off, my mother even told me in passing that he was being moved to the other building (which means he is getting much worse) but I know it kills her to watch her dad just dissapear. Like everyone else in this world who loses a loved one I am going to miss him immensley. I know I am being selfish because even though right now he doesnt remember her I know his heart misses his wife.

...

I feel like its all happening again. Same conversation different people and there is nothing I can do to stop it. It breaks my heart and makes me feel like I am the one to blame. I guess I am. Odds are against me, two relationships having the same exact issue...yeah its me.
Why am I always the one to sacrificy, though? You can say that it is just my mind, sure. You can say that i am just being dramatic. Maybe i am. Maybe I'm just a pussy and I don't stand up and say "No, this is the way its going to be be. I like this, I want this."
I just feel if I would do anything for someone why can't they do the same in return.
To say that you went above and beyond to win me and all girls do it, I just can't believe it. You find nothing wrong with pretending you were someone else (or felt a different way, I understand you weren't decieving me and pretending you were someone completely different) to win them and than to fall back to the way you really feel when you just couldn't keep the front up anymore?
I suppose I write this in hopes you will either read this or I I'll have enough balls to show you/say something. I know it doesn't matter if it happens or not. You are not all of a sudden going to say, " I understand what you mean. Lets change this right now." It will be the same. You are who you are and I am who I am.
I'm just so tired of trying to please you. Most of the time it doesn't seem like it is enough. Than again you can say the same about me.